I really need to delete this post before you’re old enough to read this site. I don’t want you believing that I’m an immature loser, even if it’s true.
There’s this app you enjoy on the iPad called Bartleby’s Book of Buttons. And there’s this scene where Bartleby and Captain Kinkaid are aboard the H.M.S. Pickle, which is a submarine. And they meet this giant squid. And Captain Kinkaid says…. well, how about you just have a look:
Oh man, I’d like to not giggle when I hear this. But I can’t. It cracks me up every time. So I do a lot of chuckle stifling.
Anyway, I had a little spare time this weekend. And having the Jim the Squid comment on video, I felt compelled to take it to the next level. So here, for your viewing pleasure, is the Jim the Squid Remix:
We took these recently before you left the house to go to a fairy-themed dress-up birthday party. You had a really good time at the party.
There are a couple of things to know before watching these videos. First, in the first video, when you say “give away fairies with my wand”, you meant something like “drive fairies away with my wand” (maybe you meant to say “get fairies away with my wand”). I didn’t figure this out until later.
Second, in the second video, I regret sounding so enthusiastic about your leading an army of (reformed?) evil fairies. Daddy does not approve of evil armies and I’m sorry if I gave the impression that I find the idea of my daughter at the head of an invincible magical horde to be completely fricking awesome.
Interview with a Fairy (Episode 1: “The Problem With Fairies”)
However it is that your culture/religion/workplace celebrates the winter solstice, I hope it’s merry and bright. (Unless that’s a bad thing in your neighborhood/cult/whatevs, in which case I wish you luck with that.) Here’s some holiday music.
Exhibit A: The other day, while walking down the sidewalk, you told me that you only wanted to hold my hand while we were crossing streets. When I dropped your hand after we crossed the next street, you said “thank you for listening to my conscience, dad.”
Exhibit B: Later that night, I was going for a glass of water before bed, having just finished reading “The Call of Cthulhu”. As my foot hit the squeaky spot in the darkened hall outside your room, you let out one, fully unrestrained “yeargh!” It wasn’t a scared sound. It sounded like adrenaline, and it got my heart racing. Nothing followed.
So I’m settling back into bed after having some water and I think maybe I hear the sounds of little feet hitting the floor. The following internal colloquy ensues:
Me: Let’s listen for the sound of further footfalls, or maybe of her door opening. Parenting may be required. Me: That yell thing was kind of spooky, right? Me: Shhh. Nothing. All is well, save only that I am awake – a circumstance I do aspire to most swiftly remedy. Me: Well as long as nothing creepy is going on. Maybe we should listen some more. Me: Were she awake in a darkened and silent house, she would either be crying at whatever had woken her, or proclaiming her need to visit a restroom. Either way, we would certainly hear her coming. Me:Not if she has a knife and is trying to retain the strategic advantage of surprise!
Sg, I told you that we would be meeting my parents on Friday for dinner at a restaurant you’d never been to, called Olive Garden. You said “Olive Garden?” I affirmed. You said “Not Daisy Garden?” Me: “No, just Olive Garden”. You said “oh”, and leaned back and seemed to be thinking this through.
Sam and Claire (and parents Matt and Katie) visited for the long weekend.
The first song is “Mairzy Doats” (or part of it).
Sg, you have asked for this song nearly every time we have gotten in the car for roughly the last two months. “I want woo-hoo. I want the woo-hoo song please, Daddy.” When it’s over: “I want another woo-hoo song.”
Update: For bonus fun, reload the page, start the video, and then, when the video progress bar says “0:45”, start the Blur song. You may have to move your mouse over the playing video to see the progress bar.
My folks had some old film put on a DVD. This one features baby Lance doing a weird dislocated hip crawl thing that I saw baby Sg do once or twice. This and other fine home videos from circa this fine nation’s fine bicentennial may be found here.