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That’s great and all, but is it really worth it if it turns one in four kids into hollow-eyed soul stealing minions of the dark lord? I’m just saying we have to think of the risk reward ratio.

(And yes, I’m talking about the guy on the right.)

I’m not sure if this is cheating. Because I’m not sure whether it makes any sense that “Ben Folds” gets filed under “F” and “Ben Folds Five” gets filed under “B”. Or maybe it doesn’t. This is a Flaming Lips song that Ben Folds re-worked for a compilation album called “Lounge-a-palooza”. I really enjoy it, even if the album version is a little lifeless.

The underlying Flaming Lips work was from a few years before my brother called me and said “the new Flaming Lips is out, and you’ve got to get it right now and lay down on the floor with headphones on and listen to it.” And that was a couple of years before my brother called me and happened to mention that the new Flaming Lips album was out and, eh, it kind of sounds like the last one. Then my brother stopped calling me. About the Flaming Lips, anyway.

And I guess “Flaming Lips” starts with “F”, from which fact I hope this post may borrow a sense of legitimacy.

For reference, here’s the original Flaming Lips version.

My Feist phase lasted about a year and is long since over, but this is still an awesome video.

I was trying to document the busted lip you received on Thursday, which had become nice and purple by Saturday. After I took the picture on the left, I said “you don’t have to stick your lip out; you can just relax your face”. The relaxed result is the photo on the right.

With apologies to three frames.

Yesterday afternoon, I was listening to the Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me (“the NPR news quiz”) podcast in the car. You told me you’d rather listen to music right about the time they were starting the “bluff the listener challenge”.^* I told you we’d change to music after that segment was over (because it’s sometimes really funny). The panelists were Mo Rocca, Roy Blount, Jr. and Faith Salie. You talked and sang to yourself through most of the segment, but were getting antsy near the end. I was trying to string you along until we found out which story was true, and I asked “which story did you think was the best one?” Your reply: “Um… Mo Rocca’s.”

Dude, WTF. You’re not supposed to be so aware of what’s going on around you. Frankly, it’s a little unsettling. Your Ralph Wiggum moments,^** while not infrequent, are giving way to surprising insights. We’re still planning your third birthday party, and I’m worried that you’ll know me better than I know myself in just a few years. That’s probably not such a hard thing to achieve, but I figured I had until at least your late teens.

Now we just need to figure out how to get you to wake up at night when you need to pee.

UPDATE: Right after I posed this, I saw that MR had just posted the following, by Penelope Lively, on Facebook:

The lives of children are mysterious, opaque even to those who know them best. Parents, existing cheek by jowl with their offspring, feel them to be almost an extension of themselves — their bodies, their habits, their speech and mannerisms so familiar that they seem to require no further consideration. This is not so, of course; much is going on there that would be startling and alarming if decoded. Mercifully, this alternative existence of children is also impenetrable.

That would be merciful.

^* This is a game where a contestant calls in and the three panelists (usually writers or commedians) describe three wacky news stories. One of them is real, and the caller’s job is to pick the right one.

^** That reminds me (because of how Ralph Wiggum said, after eating some poison berries, “they taste like burning!”): later in the same ride, while we were waiting for Arica to come out of her building, you asked for and received a taste of my diet root beer. After making faces and trying to wipe your tongue off, you said “I don’t like that, daddy; that makes my tongue turn orange.” I don’t know what that means, but you were emphatic.

If you haven’t already, check out Obiter picta. It’s a collaborative photo blog (or five parallel individual photo blogs, depending on how you want to look at it). Sometimes there’s some interesting and unplanned synchronicity among the posted photos. And when there isn’t, you can always click the “random 5” link to see one random photo from each participant.

The text is from a 1943 industry guide on hiring women, which can be found here. The images are via Feministing, Webphemera, Oddee and Sodahead.

1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they’re less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn’t be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It’s always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

3. General experience indicates that “husky” girls - those who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination - one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

5. Stress at the outset the importance of time the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.

6. Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they’ll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.

8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

9. Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can’t shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman - it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.

10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl’s husband or father may swear vociferously, she’ll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

11. Get enough size variety in operator’s uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can’t be stressed too much in keeping women happy.

We went to the Botanical Gardens today.

They have these giant leaves on the wall in the new entrance pavilion. And there’s plenty of parking now, which is awesome.

Other than the Henry Moore sculptures, the exhibit right now is scarecrows. I liked this guy.

I don’t know why I can’t stop taking pictures of the green man, but I can’t.

Diversity on display among the kids in our party.

Sg and Arica.

Sg prepares to go down the slide.

Sg’s all like “Who wants to feel the sting? You? You want some?” I didn’t tell her, but this bee—without legs, a stinger or even wings—is plainly an evolutionary dead end.

Check out Sg’s pumpkin bowling form! Look at that follow-through. And it was her first time ever pumpkin bowling!

You like your socks pulled up.